He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
