Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
