Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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