So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
