We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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