There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
