Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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