Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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