Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
