shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
