butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
