he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize