soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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