chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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