I feel like abortions should bother me more
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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