The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
