The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
