Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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