Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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