So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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