why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
