i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
