Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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