I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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