Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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