I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
