Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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