All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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