someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
