I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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