Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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