He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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