last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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