I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What changed your mind?
Being sober
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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