I'm drive I can fine osifer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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