didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
