He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
