OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize