Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
