the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
