Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
