I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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