Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize