yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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