How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
