theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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