She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So vagazzling was a success
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
