dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
