He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
