I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
