I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
