Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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