i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
