i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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