Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
