I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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