I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
