i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is not my ceiling
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i barfeds in our rink
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
