Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
