So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
