yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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