just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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