did you get engaged???
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
