Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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