She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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