dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
