Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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