eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
