My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
