ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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