I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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