i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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